why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
