she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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