there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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