I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
