what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
