do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I FOUND THE LEGS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
