I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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