Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
