So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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