I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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