Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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