Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
