ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
