I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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