I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
