duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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