I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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