He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
