I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
