lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
