I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
