I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
