i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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