This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
