I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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