found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
