you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
