My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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