My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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