1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Enjoy the penises
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
