Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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