He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
