there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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