We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
