Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
