And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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