I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
