You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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