oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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