I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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