id be glad to
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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