Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
