i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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