Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
