Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
