Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
