the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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