I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
