So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
