got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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