so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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