Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
