I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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