i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
