Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
