party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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