oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
