Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
